17,462.7 hours

...or roughly a bit over 727 days.  That, my friends, was how much time I had spent on www.planetromeo.com since joining.  By accident, I discovered an "accumulated time online log" and discovered to my horror that I was online for this many hours.  Is that even freaking possible?  The time could have been sooo much better spent....like writing this blog for example, which I have just noticed as not had an entry since December 13 (2011 for any smart asses out there).

 In my short tender years on this planet, I've spent upwards of 2 years of my life logged into a "dating" site?  Fair enough, probably a good proportion of those two years have been spent since October when yours truly had a nasty incident with his knee....(an update will be coming shortly, entitled "They said I DON"T have to go to Rehab...) but,...

But even so, it was a sobering discovery - on a whole bunch of different levels.  First of all, it's just a shitload of a lot of time down the toilet.  Now those of you who know me, know that I'm not by nature THAT ambitious, I don't have to fill every waking minute of my day doing something useful (unless you count having cocktails aroud the fireplace worthwhile activity), but still.

Secondly and this may be a bit discouraging to those of you who are seeking their life long partner on the internet...the time, in retrospect wasn't well spent.  I'll be honest and tell you that in all that time, I can say that I really only met one decent guy.  That's it:  O N E.  By anyone's financial calculation that's a pretty shitty cost/benefit ratio.

Always, as I am, attempting to look on the bright side of things, I can say that the time spent hasn't been a complete waste. I'm pretty sure that with all the characters I've interacted with over those two solid years online, I can now easily qualify for an MBA in psychology/sociology at best or work as an attendant in an insane asylum at worst.

So here in convenient list order, I present to you my nominees for the first annual least favorite human beings online award.  If you decide to continue your quest online, then I can suggest a fun filled game for the whole family, where you print out the list below and cross off the type when you run into them.  And trust me, you will:

1. Fakers: these are people who, after hours (or minutes) of chatting with, finally spring the: "oh, btw, these aren't my real pictures" line.  Well, what the fuck is that all about then??  Either they suffer from enormous self confidence issues (and this would be my bet) or they are as ugly as quasimodo and couldn't find a wide angle lens large enough to get the whole hump in view.  Either way, it's not pretty.

2.  People with over 1 million view of their profile who have a grand total of 1 "known personally" footprint.  Depending on the picture these people have posted (and keep in mind it may well be a faker) these guys need to power down the laptop for a bit, take breath of fresh air and actually meet some people.

3. Guys whose second or third question is:  how big is your dick?  Man I hated that.  Not because I have undersized "equipment" or anything (God forbid in the world of online dating, it's almost as bad as being a hunchback), but because it seemed so...well, shallow.  Maybe that's just the state of the modern world, but I ain't buying.

4. People with whom you've had a pretty decent chat with over the past hours, days or weeks and with whom you decide it's time to meet.  A time and date is duly selected and when the hour approaches you get an sms with something roughly equivalent to: "sorry, but I have to cancel our date as" (and here is where it gets creative) "I spilled mayonaise on my laptop and have to get it repaired".  Or:  I overslept.  Or: My boss called me to an unexpected meeting or...you get the idea.  

5. The guy who thinks he is God's gift to homosexuality.  Typically, these profile names will be something like: tight_hottie, gorgeous-stud or HotStuff.  Yeah your ass may be pretty, but your oversized ego isn't.

I guess I could go on, but I suppose I'll leave you all to find out some of this for yourselves.  In case you haven't yet figured it out, smithster11 is closing his gayromeo.com shop down (perhaps only till I get horny again, stay tuned).  I'm going to put more energy into doing real life things (does that include writing here?) and get a breath of fresh air.  I hope that we can still stay in touch here.  Later.

They said I had to go to rehab...I said no, no, no

That's right.  They said I had to go to rehab.  And I am.  I didn't even say no, no no.

For those of you who are my faithful readers (and I know there are more of you than I dreamed of - thank you) a couple of months ago I had a nasty encounter with the edge of a carpet (lubricated with booze, as it were) and fell on my knee.  I ended up with something called PCL, which in brief terms means I fucked up my knee pretty bad.

I remained optimistic and even blogged about it in an entry called "Acceptance".  Because to be honest, it wasn't so bad to have a month off sitting around on my ass and creating the smithster11 blog.  When I had my next visit with the "doctor" I began to get a bad feeling that he really had no clue how to deal with my injury.  I trusted him, even though he was the first guy I went to - not because I had any reason to do so - but because when we're hurting, we WANT to trust.  Big mistake.

So I began asking friends and doing a little bit of orthopedic research and found another doctor.  After having spoken with me for roughly 32 seconds, his mouth dropped open and he asked me who had told me to sit in bed for a month.  He told me that this isn't the course of therapy that has been used since the 60's and that I had essentially come pretty damn close to being a cripple.  Fuck me.

So they said I had to go to physical rehab.  Not once.  Not twice.  But for probably six months and then maybe I'll be able to walk with some stability.  Damn.  But I am happy to report, that I've been for 6 sessions and am already walking with some stability.  You just have to want to succeed I suppose.

But let's look at some bright sides here: 

• I met a really cute guy in the clinic rehab locker room.  He was soooo sweet and kind (and kindness makes me hard). When he took of his shirt in front of me, I had to wonder whether or not I was staring at it too much during the conversation.  He has dark, almost black hair and in the middle of his otherwise smooth chest is this wonderful little tuft of hair.  Oi, let me have some of that.  When we were in the rehab center working out, I had to stop from looking at him - or did I?  Obviously I want to say that we were stealing glances of each other, but that would probably be just bullshit.  Or would it?  Anyway, it's good to have a little stimulating fun at rehab.
• I have to go to a pool at least 3 times a week.  Knowing that I'm basically a bit lazy, I didn't think I'd do it.  But between the fact that my leg feels instantly 100% better after being at the pool and the fact that there are cute boys in the locker room...

So.  Keeping my chin up here.  If you all have any advice on how to deal with this guy at the clinic, drop me a line - I could use the advice.

Sex in the...everything Part 2

Today boys and girls, we are going to learn a new word:

 "Idiocracy"

 Interestingly, there are two ways to best understand this word:

I don't need no stinkin bottle opener!

1. The definition:

"Idiocracy is democracy gone wrong through idiocy. It is the unfortunate situation where the vote of a person ignorant of even the most basic of facts surrounding an issue or candidate counts exactly as much as the vote of someone who is well-informed about the specific issue or candidate".

2. The movie (of course there has to be one):

The movie illustrates that unfortunately idiocracy does not only involve politics but extends to other spheres of life as well.

Take a moment to watch this little instructional video, which will provide you with essentially everything you really need to know about the future of the human race (sorry for the Hungarian subtitles, it's all I could find).

 In a nutshell, the concept of the word "idiocracy" is that modern life no longer favors those who are faster and smarter - which has been key to ensuring that the human race isn't made up of complete nincompoops.  In other words, "survival of the fittest".

This state of affairs is the result of a couple of things happening are the same time.  One, modern medicine has lengthened the average life span of average people continuously.  The "mentally challenged" people that would have pretty much perished instantly to some random dinosaur attack while hunting for food can now hunt at Taco Bell - with little or no risk.  

Therefore, the DNA of awkward dinosaur hunters that previously would have been naturally eliminated from the gene pool of future generations, now is transmitted to ever growing hordes of bargain seeking Walmart shoppers.

And the result is this:

I hope she got a bargain on those jeans

Secondly, the internet (and probably MTV) have shortened are attention spans to microscopic levels.  Our lives are now made up of a series of 30 second thoughts strung together somehow by iPhones and iPads.  Our constant connectivity fools us into thinking that we're very smart, that now we "know" everything.  

But if you spend your entire waking moment connecting, when do you actually think about it?  

Believe it or not, I found out that that our hamster testicle sized attention spans even has an SMS shorthand - "tl;dr".  Read the Wiki entry.  It's interesting in and of itself, but even more so for the fact that there even IS an entry for it.

The impacts of this are understandably enormous.  Just one example is the fact that American politicians have essentially become cartoon characters that spew sounds bites to their respective conservative or liberal audiences:  "Kill the Immigrants" or "Support Mental Health or I'll Kill You" and on and on.  

We're too fucking stupid anymore to understand how complex issues fit together in a way that would foster the creation of complex solutions to fix them.  The new rule of thumb is that if the issue doesn't fit on the front of a T-Shirt it ain't worth talking about.

So - at this point - you're now perhaps asking yourself what the hell does all this have to do in a post whose title enticingly uses the word "sex" (while yawning and reaching for a taco).  Well, a lot.

I'll save that for Part 3, but in the meantime I'll leave you with a quote from the movie "Idiocracy".  As always please comment, but hopefully it won't be tl;dr.

Joe: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?

Frito: Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 

Sex in the...everything Part 1

Sex.  I'm one of it's biggest fans.  Scrabble.  A game I enjoy playing.  But do I want to have sex while I'm playing Scrabble?  Honestly, not so much.  Yet that is exactly what's been happening since I found an Android app to play with.  Ok, sex while in the car or in a thousand other dimly lit and less reputable places, but during a Scrabble game....I mean really??

....and my thingy is twice as long as this!

There are people signed up there as: bOObies84, hrdfkr, gudlay...you get the idea.  They let you put in a microscopic profile picture and I'll be damned if there isn't a percentage of them which are of someone's chest or ass.  And you know the funny thing?  Some of them are damned good Scrabble players.

What's happening to us?  It seems we're so saturated with porn that we think that's how real life is.  To those of you looking to play Horny Scrabble, I've only got one thing to say:

Stop for the love of God trying to fucking hit on me while playing virtual Scrabble! Unless, of course, you happen to be living in the area, are gay and moderately attractive - but they always seem to resign the game too quickly.

Is it possible that we've got too much sex and porn in our lives?  One my biggest attractions to sex has been that - in some respects - I grew up in a time when it was the "forbidden fruit", which Wiki describes as:

"any object of desire whose appeal is a direct result of knowledge that cannot or should not be obtained or something that someone may want but is forbidden to have."

Well now it seems that it's not so much a forbidden fruit as a whole damn free fucking orchard open to the public.

When I was younger, pretty much the only skin I ever saw was in my National Geographic magazine, which unfortunately was issued only monthly and even then had only women's boobies.  But I remember finding out - believe it or not in an ad in my Popular Mechanics - that there was an men's underwear company called (I'm almost guessing here) Parrs Underwear of Arizona.

And in the ad was a closeup picture of a mans crotch in some kind of shiny undies.  So naturally, I promptly sent away for the catalog and duly waited a few weeks until it arrived in the mail.  I am now convinced in retrospect that this was really some kind of underground porn that by chance happened to be owned by the same publishing company that owned Popular Mechanics.

 Because what I got was 300+ closeup pictures of some very fine gentlemens crotch dressed in a mind numbing array of sleazy, yet tastefully photographed, underwear.  I was in shock.  I couldn't believe that I had stumbled on to such a goldmine! Needless to say my parents Kleenex bill went through the roof over the next couple of months.

I mean that was my teenaged year porn - seriously.  Take a look, they have these kind of pictures in the Sears catalog nowadays.  These kind of pictures wouldn't even get Jello hard in 2011. 

 Yet this was MY forbidden fruit.

Part 2 will bring my thoughts about where I think this is leading us and why maybe it's not such a good idea to cancel your National Geographic magazine so quickly.

Polish Boy Sandwich - a Misunderstanding

During my period of 1 month incapacitation, I've spent a lot of time looking around the internet.  
Being honest, it's the only thing I do, besides drinking.  For example, I think I've developed a new sport and I'm calling it WikiSurfingtm.  It's played by just coming up with a random topic and reading an article about it in Wiki. For some odd reason, my last topic was the last emperor of China (go figure, he wasn't even cute) called Puyi.  I learn all kinds of interesting facts.  For example, did you know that they're still searching for his chin?

 Puyi - a great word to use when playing Scrabble

Quick side-note: I've just done a search in the Urban Dictionary and the concept of Wiki Surfing already exists, but fuck it I'm just going with it.

You read the Wiki article and then click on interesting things tagged within the article.  You can literally spend hours doing this until either you need to go to the toilet or roots grow out of your ass into the bed.  Fortunately in my case it was the former.

You Tube surfing also occupies my time, but as you can imagine given it's visual nature, my searches are somewhat less of a highbrow exercise than WikiSurfingtm.  Anyway it's probably a pretty safe assumption that there aren't too many videos of Puyi to begin with.  

I recalled a couple years back that there was a pretty funny (and hot and shirt less) pair of boys on You Tube that ended up getting a huge amount of views by lip syncing to songs.  They were so devoid of any self shame that they just acted goofy with each other and I found it sort of sexy.  

You're probably already sick of seeing Mr. Puyi's picture up there, so I guess I have to add a bit of eye candy here to keep you reading - but still keeping my commitment to "no porn" on the blog! (that would be like cheating to get you to read).

I hereby present Two Polish Boys:

I couldn't at the time I was looking for the videos remember exactly what they were called, so I just typed "Polish Boys" into the You Tube search bar.  I have to admit to you that I got a bit of a rush of hormones through my body when a search suggestion pops up:  "Polish Boy Sandwich".  Ufff, sounds damn hot to me!

And I'll admit after watching the video, it WAS tasty!  The rest is up to you.  Gotta go now, because for some reason I'm hungry.