It's hard

A survey carried out in 1974 by Webster Dictionary, Inc found that 97.4 % of gay men immediately thought of the word "erection" when the word "hard" was shown to them. (1)  No, they didn't think of "difficult" or as in the density of matter, but they thought of erections.  Interestingly a further study of the  remaining 2.6% found that they didn't get laid until the age of 37 and even then it was for money. (1)  The result of the survey is solid evidence of the fact that mens minds are hard-wired (did I just use that word?) for sex.

Keeping that interesting factoid in mind, you know what's hard growing up gay?  Well, other than getting laid (please see the post regarding Cruising in the Modern World) it's actually not being able to talk about sexy guys when you're young and not out.  There's a certain release from talking about cute members of the human race with others, as in "oh my God, he's so hot, I wouldn't mind him camping on MY face" sort of thing.  But no, as members of the gay minority we can't do that because....well, we're not out yet.

I remember the first time that this was almost painful for me.  My Mother and I were spending a very  nice evening together and decided to go rent a movie.  We had heard good things about "Thelma & Louise" and brought it home.  We planted our butts on the sofa, popcorn in hand and started watching.

Although the exact plot sort of escapes me, at some point Thelma and Louise go to a motel.  And in that motel is the most incredibly good looking Brad Pitt.

"smithster11 - let me camp on your face this very instant or I'll shoot!"

Frankly, I don't ever recall ever experiencing taking such a sharp intake of breath as I did at the moment.  My mother looked over at me concerned perhaps that I was having a stroke or grand mal seizure.  And it certainly felt as though I were.

"Are you ok", she asked me in that motherly way.  Here's how I wanted to answer:

"Fuck me, look at how beautiful and sexy he is waving his "gun" around like that! He can camp on my face as long as he wants to!"

But here is what in fact I did say:

"Yeah sure, I think I just got the hiccups, please pass the popcorn"

I'm pretty certain it was at precisely this moment that my Mom knew that I was gay.  Stupidly enough, I didn't manage to tell her for quite a few years later, but oh well.

To the best of my knowledge it was pretty decent movie, but the rest of it was sort of just a blur.  I remember them driving off some cliff together (fortunately without Brad) and thought to myself "yeah whatever".  

If I could have told Mom my true feelings - then at least I could have enjoyed not only the rest of the movie, but also umpteen years of real conversation with her.   But ya know - it's hard.

Notes:

(1) in the interests of journalistic integrity, please be aware that this statement is not true, but I love proving things with statistics.

Comments

[James Ditto]

He, he,he.....i don't remember that movie at all...but I've had similar things happen when watching "Colin Farrell"
:)

[smithster11]

Well at least when he was young. Have you seen him lately? Looks like a bit too much hard living to me!