Sex in the...everything Part 2

Today boys and girls, we are going to learn a new word:

 "Idiocracy"

 Interestingly, there are two ways to best understand this word:

I don't need no stinkin bottle opener!

1. The definition:

"Idiocracy is democracy gone wrong through idiocy. It is the unfortunate situation where the vote of a person ignorant of even the most basic of facts surrounding an issue or candidate counts exactly as much as the vote of someone who is well-informed about the specific issue or candidate".

2. The movie (of course there has to be one):

The movie illustrates that unfortunately idiocracy does not only involve politics but extends to other spheres of life as well.

Take a moment to watch this little instructional video, which will provide you with essentially everything you really need to know about the future of the human race (sorry for the Hungarian subtitles, it's all I could find).

 In a nutshell, the concept of the word "idiocracy" is that modern life no longer favors those who are faster and smarter - which has been key to ensuring that the human race isn't made up of complete nincompoops.  In other words, "survival of the fittest".

This state of affairs is the result of a couple of things happening are the same time.  One, modern medicine has lengthened the average life span of average people continuously.  The "mentally challenged" people that would have pretty much perished instantly to some random dinosaur attack while hunting for food can now hunt at Taco Bell - with little or no risk.  

Therefore, the DNA of awkward dinosaur hunters that previously would have been naturally eliminated from the gene pool of future generations, now is transmitted to ever growing hordes of bargain seeking Walmart shoppers.

And the result is this:

I hope she got a bargain on those jeans

Secondly, the internet (and probably MTV) have shortened are attention spans to microscopic levels.  Our lives are now made up of a series of 30 second thoughts strung together somehow by iPhones and iPads.  Our constant connectivity fools us into thinking that we're very smart, that now we "know" everything.  

But if you spend your entire waking moment connecting, when do you actually think about it?  

Believe it or not, I found out that that our hamster testicle sized attention spans even has an SMS shorthand - "tl;dr".  Read the Wiki entry.  It's interesting in and of itself, but even more so for the fact that there even IS an entry for it.

The impacts of this are understandably enormous.  Just one example is the fact that American politicians have essentially become cartoon characters that spew sounds bites to their respective conservative or liberal audiences:  "Kill the Immigrants" or "Support Mental Health or I'll Kill You" and on and on.  

We're too fucking stupid anymore to understand how complex issues fit together in a way that would foster the creation of complex solutions to fix them.  The new rule of thumb is that if the issue doesn't fit on the front of a T-Shirt it ain't worth talking about.

So - at this point - you're now perhaps asking yourself what the hell does all this have to do in a post whose title enticingly uses the word "sex" (while yawning and reaching for a taco).  Well, a lot.

I'll save that for Part 3, but in the meantime I'll leave you with a quote from the movie "Idiocracy".  As always please comment, but hopefully it won't be tl;dr.

Joe: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?

Frito: Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 

Sex in the...everything Part 1

Sex.  I'm one of it's biggest fans.  Scrabble.  A game I enjoy playing.  But do I want to have sex while I'm playing Scrabble?  Honestly, not so much.  Yet that is exactly what's been happening since I found an Android app to play with.  Ok, sex while in the car or in a thousand other dimly lit and less reputable places, but during a Scrabble game....I mean really??

....and my thingy is twice as long as this!

There are people signed up there as: bOObies84, hrdfkr, gudlay...you get the idea.  They let you put in a microscopic profile picture and I'll be damned if there isn't a percentage of them which are of someone's chest or ass.  And you know the funny thing?  Some of them are damned good Scrabble players.

What's happening to us?  It seems we're so saturated with porn that we think that's how real life is.  To those of you looking to play Horny Scrabble, I've only got one thing to say:

Stop for the love of God trying to fucking hit on me while playing virtual Scrabble! Unless, of course, you happen to be living in the area, are gay and moderately attractive - but they always seem to resign the game too quickly.

Is it possible that we've got too much sex and porn in our lives?  One my biggest attractions to sex has been that - in some respects - I grew up in a time when it was the "forbidden fruit", which Wiki describes as:

"any object of desire whose appeal is a direct result of knowledge that cannot or should not be obtained or something that someone may want but is forbidden to have."

Well now it seems that it's not so much a forbidden fruit as a whole damn free fucking orchard open to the public.

When I was younger, pretty much the only skin I ever saw was in my National Geographic magazine, which unfortunately was issued only monthly and even then had only women's boobies.  But I remember finding out - believe it or not in an ad in my Popular Mechanics - that there was an men's underwear company called (I'm almost guessing here) Parrs Underwear of Arizona.

And in the ad was a closeup picture of a mans crotch in some kind of shiny undies.  So naturally, I promptly sent away for the catalog and duly waited a few weeks until it arrived in the mail.  I am now convinced in retrospect that this was really some kind of underground porn that by chance happened to be owned by the same publishing company that owned Popular Mechanics.

 Because what I got was 300+ closeup pictures of some very fine gentlemens crotch dressed in a mind numbing array of sleazy, yet tastefully photographed, underwear.  I was in shock.  I couldn't believe that I had stumbled on to such a goldmine! Needless to say my parents Kleenex bill went through the roof over the next couple of months.

I mean that was my teenaged year porn - seriously.  Take a look, they have these kind of pictures in the Sears catalog nowadays.  These kind of pictures wouldn't even get Jello hard in 2011. 

 Yet this was MY forbidden fruit.

Part 2 will bring my thoughts about where I think this is leading us and why maybe it's not such a good idea to cancel your National Geographic magazine so quickly.

Customer Service

Have you ever wondered who are the people behind the porn industry and what their daily lives look like?  No, well I have.  Imagine, just as in any corporation there is a CEO, CFO, Head of Human Resources, secretaries, etc.  If you give us a raise, we'll give you one...What does a typical "day in the office" consist of for them?  On one hand you can imagine an extreme scenario of people meeting at the coffee machine and then humping their brains out in the supplies room for a coffee break.  Flat screen TV's are found everywhere displaying the companies product.  For the guys (who incidentally are allowed to wear nothing but jock straps to work) they have little rooms to jerk off in just to relieve the pressure.  The woman are all skanky bitches who wear too much makeup and have too little clothes and self control.  Personally, I'd wonder how any work gets done in a place like that.

On the other hand (and this is probably the most likely scenario) it's just like any other work place.  People come in to the office in their corporate wear and sit down at a desk to work.  Workers have pictures of their family taped to the walls around them and the only thing that happens at a coffee break is the drinking of coffee.  But this begs the question of how to act "normal" when the place you work deals in sex.  How, for example, does the switchboard answer the phone? "Hello, thank you for calling Skanky Bitch Sluts, how may I direct your call?"  

What exactly does Human Resources look for in potential employees CV?  Does the employment application have a little check list to indicate what specific fetishes you have?  Water sports, check. Fisting, check.  "So Mr. Reynolds, I see that you are into fisting.  Are you ahem...shall we say giving or receiving and, by the way, what brand of lube do you use?"

What does Mommy tell little Timmy when he asks her where she works, let's say as a secretary.  "Well, Timmy Mommy works at Skanky Bitch Sluts as a secretary for the CEO".  "What" - then Timmy asks - "is Skanky"? (It's scary he probably already knows what Bitch Sluts are). "Hmm, maybe we'll go over that a bit later, say when you're 25."

You may, at this point, either be wondering why I'm thinking about this crap or you may in fact fear for my sanity.  No worries, I'll tell you and it's cringe worthy.  Nothing and I mean nothing has intimidated me as much as calling a porn site customer service line to dispute a billing:  

"Hello, this is customer service how can I help you today".  

"Well, ummm, I'm sort of, you know (cough) calling about a weird.....um...charge on, you know, my credit card recently"

"Oh I'm so sorry about that.  Let's get that taken care of right away!  Which website are you having trouble with?"

PANIC - how do I tell a complete stranger that I've been browsing hornygayteenboys without crawling under the carpet?  I'm mean after all, they even know where I live!!  "Um, you know what, I've just recalled what the charge is for.  " CLICK

So in the end, I'm $12.95 worse off, but screw it - at least I've still got my dignity. 

Porn is getting.....serious

Anyone notice that porn is getting really intense lately?  And by intense I mean really, really hard core.  Stuff I wouldn't have expected to see so widely available without going to some seedy bookstore in Amsterdam for, now seems to be common everyday stuff.  People are getting pretty used to it too, I think.  Fisting - been there done that.  Pissing - old hat. Sex with animals - yawn.  Bareback - sure.

I've wondered about the reasons for this and I can really only come up with one thing.  Just as capitalism relys on growth for it's survival, porn always needs to go to that next level to keep the people coming (pun intended).  And I think the thing that is astonishing is the speed with which it's progressed.

Immoral and wrong?  Maybe.  But can they just get rid of that damn automatic renewal requirement?

Please comment if you have a view, I'd really appreciate hearing from you.