Sex in the...everything Part 2

Today boys and girls, we are going to learn a new word:

 "Idiocracy"

 Interestingly, there are two ways to best understand this word:

I don't need no stinkin bottle opener!

1. The definition:

"Idiocracy is democracy gone wrong through idiocy. It is the unfortunate situation where the vote of a person ignorant of even the most basic of facts surrounding an issue or candidate counts exactly as much as the vote of someone who is well-informed about the specific issue or candidate".

2. The movie (of course there has to be one):

The movie illustrates that unfortunately idiocracy does not only involve politics but extends to other spheres of life as well.

Take a moment to watch this little instructional video, which will provide you with essentially everything you really need to know about the future of the human race (sorry for the Hungarian subtitles, it's all I could find).

 In a nutshell, the concept of the word "idiocracy" is that modern life no longer favors those who are faster and smarter - which has been key to ensuring that the human race isn't made up of complete nincompoops.  In other words, "survival of the fittest".

This state of affairs is the result of a couple of things happening are the same time.  One, modern medicine has lengthened the average life span of average people continuously.  The "mentally challenged" people that would have pretty much perished instantly to some random dinosaur attack while hunting for food can now hunt at Taco Bell - with little or no risk.  

Therefore, the DNA of awkward dinosaur hunters that previously would have been naturally eliminated from the gene pool of future generations, now is transmitted to ever growing hordes of bargain seeking Walmart shoppers.

And the result is this:

I hope she got a bargain on those jeans

Secondly, the internet (and probably MTV) have shortened are attention spans to microscopic levels.  Our lives are now made up of a series of 30 second thoughts strung together somehow by iPhones and iPads.  Our constant connectivity fools us into thinking that we're very smart, that now we "know" everything.  

But if you spend your entire waking moment connecting, when do you actually think about it?  

Believe it or not, I found out that that our hamster testicle sized attention spans even has an SMS shorthand - "tl;dr".  Read the Wiki entry.  It's interesting in and of itself, but even more so for the fact that there even IS an entry for it.

The impacts of this are understandably enormous.  Just one example is the fact that American politicians have essentially become cartoon characters that spew sounds bites to their respective conservative or liberal audiences:  "Kill the Immigrants" or "Support Mental Health or I'll Kill You" and on and on.  

We're too fucking stupid anymore to understand how complex issues fit together in a way that would foster the creation of complex solutions to fix them.  The new rule of thumb is that if the issue doesn't fit on the front of a T-Shirt it ain't worth talking about.

So - at this point - you're now perhaps asking yourself what the hell does all this have to do in a post whose title enticingly uses the word "sex" (while yawning and reaching for a taco).  Well, a lot.

I'll save that for Part 3, but in the meantime I'll leave you with a quote from the movie "Idiocracy".  As always please comment, but hopefully it won't be tl;dr.

Joe: Man, I could really go for a Starbucks, you know?

Frito: Yeah, well, I really don't think we have time for a hand job, Joe. 

Sex in the...everything Part 1

Sex.  I'm one of it's biggest fans.  Scrabble.  A game I enjoy playing.  But do I want to have sex while I'm playing Scrabble?  Honestly, not so much.  Yet that is exactly what's been happening since I found an Android app to play with.  Ok, sex while in the car or in a thousand other dimly lit and less reputable places, but during a Scrabble game....I mean really??

....and my thingy is twice as long as this!

There are people signed up there as: bOObies84, hrdfkr, gudlay...you get the idea.  They let you put in a microscopic profile picture and I'll be damned if there isn't a percentage of them which are of someone's chest or ass.  And you know the funny thing?  Some of them are damned good Scrabble players.

What's happening to us?  It seems we're so saturated with porn that we think that's how real life is.  To those of you looking to play Horny Scrabble, I've only got one thing to say:

Stop for the love of God trying to fucking hit on me while playing virtual Scrabble! Unless, of course, you happen to be living in the area, are gay and moderately attractive - but they always seem to resign the game too quickly.

Is it possible that we've got too much sex and porn in our lives?  One my biggest attractions to sex has been that - in some respects - I grew up in a time when it was the "forbidden fruit", which Wiki describes as:

"any object of desire whose appeal is a direct result of knowledge that cannot or should not be obtained or something that someone may want but is forbidden to have."

Well now it seems that it's not so much a forbidden fruit as a whole damn free fucking orchard open to the public.

When I was younger, pretty much the only skin I ever saw was in my National Geographic magazine, which unfortunately was issued only monthly and even then had only women's boobies.  But I remember finding out - believe it or not in an ad in my Popular Mechanics - that there was an men's underwear company called (I'm almost guessing here) Parrs Underwear of Arizona.

And in the ad was a closeup picture of a mans crotch in some kind of shiny undies.  So naturally, I promptly sent away for the catalog and duly waited a few weeks until it arrived in the mail.  I am now convinced in retrospect that this was really some kind of underground porn that by chance happened to be owned by the same publishing company that owned Popular Mechanics.

 Because what I got was 300+ closeup pictures of some very fine gentlemens crotch dressed in a mind numbing array of sleazy, yet tastefully photographed, underwear.  I was in shock.  I couldn't believe that I had stumbled on to such a goldmine! Needless to say my parents Kleenex bill went through the roof over the next couple of months.

I mean that was my teenaged year porn - seriously.  Take a look, they have these kind of pictures in the Sears catalog nowadays.  These kind of pictures wouldn't even get Jello hard in 2011. 

 Yet this was MY forbidden fruit.

Part 2 will bring my thoughts about where I think this is leading us and why maybe it's not such a good idea to cancel your National Geographic magazine so quickly.

Music to soar by

I'm feeling pretty aimless this morning, which is actually a good thing.  I have setup a countdown clock to the moment when the cast comes off my leg and I'm once again able to get back on the dance floor, so to speak.  Looking back at the last 3 1/2 weeks of camping in my bedroom, it hasn't been all that bad and my mood is soaring.  But I wouldn't like to repeat it anytime soon.

So today I thought I'd share some music with you.  Music which, should you ever find yourself flying in a glider, would be very appropriate to have on the Ipod.  Why you make be asking yourselves, would I be posting this on a blog with homosexual tendancies <--- this line is stolen from www.towleroad.com a site worth checking out.

Well, here are my reasons:

1. I like music that sends a chill down my back
2. It's an interesting video to watch
3. I'm sort of hot for the lead singer.  He sings all sexy like.

It's hard

A survey carried out in 1974 by Webster Dictionary, Inc found that 97.4 % of gay men immediately thought of the word "erection" when the word "hard" was shown to them. (1)  No, they didn't think of "difficult" or as in the density of matter, but they thought of erections.  Interestingly a further study of the  remaining 2.6% found that they didn't get laid until the age of 37 and even then it was for money. (1)  The result of the survey is solid evidence of the fact that mens minds are hard-wired (did I just use that word?) for sex.

Keeping that interesting factoid in mind, you know what's hard growing up gay?  Well, other than getting laid (please see the post regarding Cruising in the Modern World) it's actually not being able to talk about sexy guys when you're young and not out.  There's a certain release from talking about cute members of the human race with others, as in "oh my God, he's so hot, I wouldn't mind him camping on MY face" sort of thing.  But no, as members of the gay minority we can't do that because....well, we're not out yet.

I remember the first time that this was almost painful for me.  My Mother and I were spending a very  nice evening together and decided to go rent a movie.  We had heard good things about "Thelma & Louise" and brought it home.  We planted our butts on the sofa, popcorn in hand and started watching.

Although the exact plot sort of escapes me, at some point Thelma and Louise go to a motel.  And in that motel is the most incredibly good looking Brad Pitt.

"smithster11 - let me camp on your face this very instant or I'll shoot!"

Frankly, I don't ever recall ever experiencing taking such a sharp intake of breath as I did at the moment.  My mother looked over at me concerned perhaps that I was having a stroke or grand mal seizure.  And it certainly felt as though I were.

"Are you ok", she asked me in that motherly way.  Here's how I wanted to answer:

"Fuck me, look at how beautiful and sexy he is waving his "gun" around like that! He can camp on my face as long as he wants to!"

But here is what in fact I did say:

"Yeah sure, I think I just got the hiccups, please pass the popcorn"

I'm pretty certain it was at precisely this moment that my Mom knew that I was gay.  Stupidly enough, I didn't manage to tell her for quite a few years later, but oh well.

To the best of my knowledge it was pretty decent movie, but the rest of it was sort of just a blur.  I remember them driving off some cliff together (fortunately without Brad) and thought to myself "yeah whatever".  

If I could have told Mom my true feelings - then at least I could have enjoyed not only the rest of the movie, but also umpteen years of real conversation with her.   But ya know - it's hard.

Notes:

(1) in the interests of journalistic integrity, please be aware that this statement is not true, but I love proving things with statistics.

Polish Boy Sandwich - a Misunderstanding

During my period of 1 month incapacitation, I've spent a lot of time looking around the internet.  
Being honest, it's the only thing I do, besides drinking.  For example, I think I've developed a new sport and I'm calling it WikiSurfingtm.  It's played by just coming up with a random topic and reading an article about it in Wiki. For some odd reason, my last topic was the last emperor of China (go figure, he wasn't even cute) called Puyi.  I learn all kinds of interesting facts.  For example, did you know that they're still searching for his chin?

 Puyi - a great word to use when playing Scrabble

Quick side-note: I've just done a search in the Urban Dictionary and the concept of Wiki Surfing already exists, but fuck it I'm just going with it.

You read the Wiki article and then click on interesting things tagged within the article.  You can literally spend hours doing this until either you need to go to the toilet or roots grow out of your ass into the bed.  Fortunately in my case it was the former.

You Tube surfing also occupies my time, but as you can imagine given it's visual nature, my searches are somewhat less of a highbrow exercise than WikiSurfingtm.  Anyway it's probably a pretty safe assumption that there aren't too many videos of Puyi to begin with.  

I recalled a couple years back that there was a pretty funny (and hot and shirt less) pair of boys on You Tube that ended up getting a huge amount of views by lip syncing to songs.  They were so devoid of any self shame that they just acted goofy with each other and I found it sort of sexy.  

You're probably already sick of seeing Mr. Puyi's picture up there, so I guess I have to add a bit of eye candy here to keep you reading - but still keeping my commitment to "no porn" on the blog! (that would be like cheating to get you to read).

I hereby present Two Polish Boys:

I couldn't at the time I was looking for the videos remember exactly what they were called, so I just typed "Polish Boys" into the You Tube search bar.  I have to admit to you that I got a bit of a rush of hormones through my body when a search suggestion pops up:  "Polish Boy Sandwich".  Ufff, sounds damn hot to me!

And I'll admit after watching the video, it WAS tasty!  The rest is up to you.  Gotta go now, because for some reason I'm hungry.