Customer Service

Have you ever wondered who are the people behind the porn industry and what their daily lives look like?  No, well I have.  Imagine, just as in any corporation there is a CEO, CFO, Head of Human Resources, secretaries, etc.  If you give us a raise, we'll give you one...What does a typical "day in the office" consist of for them?  On one hand you can imagine an extreme scenario of people meeting at the coffee machine and then humping their brains out in the supplies room for a coffee break.  Flat screen TV's are found everywhere displaying the companies product.  For the guys (who incidentally are allowed to wear nothing but jock straps to work) they have little rooms to jerk off in just to relieve the pressure.  The woman are all skanky bitches who wear too much makeup and have too little clothes and self control.  Personally, I'd wonder how any work gets done in a place like that.

On the other hand (and this is probably the most likely scenario) it's just like any other work place.  People come in to the office in their corporate wear and sit down at a desk to work.  Workers have pictures of their family taped to the walls around them and the only thing that happens at a coffee break is the drinking of coffee.  But this begs the question of how to act "normal" when the place you work deals in sex.  How, for example, does the switchboard answer the phone? "Hello, thank you for calling Skanky Bitch Sluts, how may I direct your call?"  

What exactly does Human Resources look for in potential employees CV?  Does the employment application have a little check list to indicate what specific fetishes you have?  Water sports, check. Fisting, check.  "So Mr. Reynolds, I see that you are into fisting.  Are you ahem...shall we say giving or receiving and, by the way, what brand of lube do you use?"

What does Mommy tell little Timmy when he asks her where she works, let's say as a secretary.  "Well, Timmy Mommy works at Skanky Bitch Sluts as a secretary for the CEO".  "What" - then Timmy asks - "is Skanky"? (It's scary he probably already knows what Bitch Sluts are). "Hmm, maybe we'll go over that a bit later, say when you're 25."

You may, at this point, either be wondering why I'm thinking about this crap or you may in fact fear for my sanity.  No worries, I'll tell you and it's cringe worthy.  Nothing and I mean nothing has intimidated me as much as calling a porn site customer service line to dispute a billing:  

"Hello, this is customer service how can I help you today".  

"Well, ummm, I'm sort of, you know (cough) calling about a weird.....um...charge on, you know, my credit card recently"

"Oh I'm so sorry about that.  Let's get that taken care of right away!  Which website are you having trouble with?"

PANIC - how do I tell a complete stranger that I've been browsing hornygayteenboys without crawling under the carpet?  I'm mean after all, they even know where I live!!  "Um, you know what, I've just recalled what the charge is for.  " CLICK

So in the end, I'm $12.95 worse off, but screw it - at least I've still got my dignity.