A Connection

At this point, it’s become quite evident that I don’t know what the hell I’m doing here.  I’m neither a writer nor an IT geek/graphics designer.  Mind you, I’ve always loved to write, but I always thought it seemed so…. well - pointless. 

But now that I’ve actually started this blog, I can see more clearly than ever that I was right.  Although  I guess I’m constantly thinking throughout the day about things to write about, I still wonder where I’m going with this.   The general reaction I get when I tell people I’ve started a gay blog can be summed by this pie chart:

Based upon this I haven't explained at all what I'm doing here.  So....here is a list of the things that I am NOT seeking through writing smithster11:

• Money
• Fame – the paparazzi are just too annoying
• Adoration 
• Sales of Amway products  

Here is a list of the things that I AM seeking through writing smithster11:

• A connection

A weird thing happens as you get older.  (Well, lots of weird things happen – trust me).  You begin to care about things other than yourself.  You find that it becomes more important to be responsible for someone else’s well-being.

For most hetero couples, that urge is satisfied through the arrival of a screaming and very demanding infant into the household.  Even for some of us homos the adoption of children is the answer.  But most of us happily settle for having a dog, where the screaming phase is calculated by dividing by 7 and demands are generally limited to supper time.  Wait, where was I going with this??

Oh yeah, that connection business. 

I want to create a light hearted atmosphere where we can all have a laugh and see ourselves in each other.  But this requires comments from you.  They can range from the banal:  “that’s interesting” to the audacious: “you have no fucking clue what you’re talking about”.  But it’s all good.  It’s connecting.

/preach mode on/

“Blog comments are the lifeblood of a blog. Comments are what separates a blog from a static website.

/preach mode off/

So if you like something, please comment.  If you hate something, please comment.  Why, you ask should I?  Because if you find yourself needing to be responsible for another living being, then you can be responsible for me – and at least I’m already house-broken.

Acceptance Ch. 1 - an introduction

(Noun):

- a disposition to tolerate or accept people or situations; "all people should practice toleration and live together in peace"

- an acceptance of yourself as you are, warts and all.

* * * * * * * * *

Ok, I have to admit that I'm pretty excited about this post.  Reading it could save you literally thousands of dollars in psychiatric bills.  Really.

Sometimes an idea for a blog post comes at the oddest of times.  The idea for this post, for example, came as I sat on the toilet with my broken leg sticking out 90 degrees perpendicular to my body.  An uncomfortable way to poopNow as you can imagine and as I've already written, this is not exactly an ideal position you'd like to find yourself in when taking care of bodily functions.

At the considerable risk of sounding melodramatic, an epiphany struck me there sitting on the toilet with a wad of toilet paper in one hand and my phone in the other furiously typing the notes to this post.  As I sat there, I could have had two, vastly different, reactions to my sorry plight.

My usual reaction would have been to get depressed and think how stupid I was to get into this bizarre position by having had one too many cocktails and falling on my sorry-ass knee.  Woe is me.  I could get angry or sad and wallow in my own misery and reach for a Xanax for the duration of having this cast.

Or......not.

What's wrong with (and this is what happened) a big smile crossing my face and starting to laugh?  If I looked objectively at the situation, it's actually somewhat hysterically funny.  And let's face it, I broke my fucking leg.  It's done.  IT HAPPENED.  Deal with it and move on.

Which of the two reactions makes more sense?  In the first one, no one is happy and in the second one everybody is happy.  (Well, maybe not the person that has to help me get dressed in the morning and make my breakfast, but there are limits to the concept).  The second reaction is: "the key to a happy life".

I'll be writing a bit more in the future about acceptance and why I'm writing about it in a gay blog.  I'll include examples of it's application AND misapplication.  

I would have written it all today in one post, but I want you to come back again.  Plus, I'm mindful in this day and age of shortened twitter/facebook attention spans and that no one reads anything longer than a help wanted advertisement these days (actually, even that last sentence may have been too long).  A future post will be devoted just to this topic.  

Stay tuned. 

Wow that's really.....specific

So sitting here with my broken leg (please see previous post for details) smithster11 has discovered more interesting things to be found on the internet.  In a (potentially futile) attempt to get someone to read AND comment (!!!) on my ramblings, I've joined something called WebRing.  Here I've found a whole new world of internet blogs that I didn't know existed (and I'm still not quite certain as to WHY they exist).

As a quick side note, if you click on the link above I apparently get "points" which can be exchanged for fabulous gifts, such as a toaster or a set of steak knives. So....

As I searched through various "rings" I was not only pretty surprised by the specificity of some of the rings, but I also burst out laughing uncontrollably as well.  I hope it's obvious that I'm not putting any of these things down, I'm pretty much a "live and let live" kind of a guy.  Yet I have to wonder what kind of world we live in that has groups of people who are attracted to sites under the heading: "Chinese lesbian pagan real estate agents".

Don't get me wrong I'm sure that in real life there, in fact, exist Chinese lesbian pagan real estate agents - at least 3 anyway, but what the hell do you chat about in a group this specific?  "Listen Foo Kinga, there's a fabulous property for sale in Shanghai right next to a Wiccan church and within walking distance to the dyke bar!!"  "Fabulous!"  Next topic?

Sometimes I wonder if we haven't begun to define ourselves in groupings that are slightly too narrow.  Yes, it's pretty much a given that you'll find instant and complete acceptance in a group of 3 people, but isn't that kind of acceptance like valium?  You feel all warm and cozy, but you're left really with nothing other than a forgotten few hours.  Isn't it better to be out and about amongst a group of people with varied interests so that you can teach and learn?

I've been accused in some circles of being a tad too fatalistic when it comes to the changes that modern day living has wrought upon mankind (i.e. - see how many post internet children can properly spell without auto correct or read a map), but I am assured that doomsday messages were also the norm back in the day when the printing press and electricity were introduced.

But from where I sit (currently on my ass in bed with a cast!) these changes seem more profound.  We are placing our ability to survive on the internet.  And my hope is that when and if, one day, the entire internet crashes for a few days, we are not all left crashing our cars into each other and writing "wher iz da gaz stayshun" notes with crayons.

Was this too serious?  First reader to comment wins a free set of steak knives.

Vice - there is a down side

How appropriate that this post should come right after my previous one about getting older.  In case you haven't read it, it's about your body starting to let you down.  Well, my body has - as I found out at the doctors office this morning - not only let me down, but has stomped and kicked me for it's sick pleasure.  

But I'll start from the beginning.  Friday evening - as I'm known to occasionally do - I sat down with my friend to evening cocktails.  The night was briskly cold, but with the heater on and the dogs cuddling next to me, it was fantastic.  Unfortunately - as I'm known to occasionally do - things got a little out of hand and I probably had one two three too many that night.  On my way to make yet another, I tripped on a leaf and fell to the ground, apparently I'm told - falling on my knee.

Not thinking much of it, I continued on my merry inebriated way.  I mean I couldn't really have been that wasted, as I even flossed my teeth before going to bed.  But waking up the next morning in sheer agony told me that something wasn't exactly right.  So we trundle off to the doctor for an X-ray, MRI and a healthy helping of pain medication.  The results came back this morning and it turns out that some ligament or other has detached from something else.  This is not good.  

The end result?  My fucking leg is now immoblized for a whole damned month!  The worst part of it?  The dogs looking at me hobbling around and glaring at me: when the hell are you taking us for a god damned walk??  What can I tell them other than their master is a blithering, sodden idiot.  And that pretty much sums up how I'm feeling at the moment.

I have witnessed exciting plans to visit Cairo in a couple of weeks, swirl slowly around and down the toilet.  The moral of the story?  Vices can be exciting and fun, but always and I mean always, look out for leaves.

Update on Friday, October 28, 2011 at 14:54 by smithster11

Quick update:  officially the worst part of it is now is trying to take a shower and clean myself.  Helpful hint for those unfamiliar - never turn only the cold water tap off whilst sitting on a bidet.  Although the result is fairly comical you'll find yourself in a bit of pain.

Aging....not so bad

At what point in life, do you suppose, is it that it begins to dawn on you that you're going to get old?  At 18, you pretty much believe that you're going to be that way forever. This is something you can be forgiven for, because let's face it, it's all you know.  Old people are "those" people -  fat, hairy and sooo not cool.  Of course, there were exceptions like your Uncle.  He never married (hmm..), traveled the world extensively and was probably taking LSD.

Then at some point - and I'm guessing it's around 30 or so - you start to realize that "hey, wait a minute here - I'm not getting any younger!".  And what was once a funny phrase you heard your parents say all of a sudden became a new fact of life.  Fuck.  Do you realize what this means, you ask yourself in front of a mirror, literally watching your body start to sag in front of your eyes?  It means:

• Hair receding from your head and then magically reappearing on your back and inside your nose and ears,
• Wrinkles developing around your eyes and forehead,
• Having overall less energy,
• Acquiring a home mortgage that will probably last longer than you will,
• Being required to endure seemingly endless dead boring dinner parties,
• Loss of sexual appeal to others,
• Increasing.......Wait!  WTF was that last one again??
• Loss of sexual appeal to others!?!?    NO F. U. C. K. I. N. G. WAY. 
• Way.

So now this growing up business has taken a nasty viscious turn.  Something you've spent the majority of your life wanting to do - grow up and be legally able to have a cocktail - is something you want to slam the brakes on!  This isn't the deal I signed up for, I'm supposed to be young, carefree and laughing forever!  Well, ummm no.  

Does this mean that I'll no longer be able to meet - without money changing hands - these cute, young 20-something boys anymore - a pursuit I have bravely dedicated the majority of my adult life to?  Thankfully, the answer to this question is a resounding "no".  Why?

Because I have found, dear readers, that in the vast world of internet dating there in fact exists a group of young men who - get ready for this revelation - like older men.  Seriously??  Seriously.  In some philosophical circles this can be interpreted as incontrovertible evidence of the existence of God.  I never knew such a group existed because I can say with 95% certainty that I have never had sex with someone who was older than me.  (Better make that 75% certainty, because in some cases the lighting was pretty bad).

It's somehow a comfort to know that the cheesy song Everybody Loves Somebody is actually true.  Ain't life grand?